Anchors (Put) Away!

FACT: There are a few countries who regularly help themselves to Canadian waters without permission – the United States of America being the most egregious offender as they refuse to acknowledge Canada’s claim to its most northern reaches and the water that flows through those arctic islands.

With this is mind, we must really look hard at the Harper Conservative’s plan to put HALF of our coastal patrol fleet in mothballs – essentially becoming the Canadian Ghost Fleet.

Remember how it used to be that Stephen Harper campaigned on boosting Canada’s military spending?

What happened?

Did the military piss Steve off too many times?

Is he taking out his frustrations over the Afghanistan document kerfuffle on the Department Of Defense?

Come to think of it, that wouldn’t really surprise me at all – and it shouldn’t come as a surprise to you, either.

To me, it seems like this is a case of  ‘the nail that sticks out gets hammered’.

In the past 6 months or so, there’s been a plethora of stories involving the Canadian military establishment – and none of them have painted the Canadian Forces in a good light.

On one hand, you have a situation where it seems like Canadian generals were okay with captured combatants being handed off to Afghan personnel to be tortured.

On the other hand, you have our dead sons and daughters taking that long ride to Toronto from CFB Trenton along the ‘Highway Of Heroes’ – covered each and every time by Canadian (and sometimes American) media.

Also in the mix is the former commanding officer of CFB Trenton, Col. Russell Williams, who could turn out to be a serial killer/rapist.

Day in, day out – the Defense portfolio and it’s associated ministers are dumping paper on the prime minister’s desk.

Some time last week, Steve finally pitched a hissy fit and roared to his secretary to get someone into his office that could lead a strategic offensive against the Canadian military – ASAP!

In sauntered the guy who controlled the military’s purse strings, Jim Flaherty, who declares that there isn’t enough money to fund the Canadian Forces Maritime Command.

‘Perhaps they should have a bake sale,’ Mr. Harper snickers while tugging down on his sweater vest.

Well… okay… I’m not certain whether that happened or not.

All I know is that somehow, some idiot has decided we have too many ships monitoring our coastal waters, protecting Canadian interests and maintaining our sovereignty.

12 ships is far too many to patrol 243,042 kilometers of Canadian coastline.

Apparently, 6 ships can do that job more efficiently and effectively – 3 ships on the west coast, and 3 ships on the east coast.

Two hundred and forty-three thousand kilometers.

Six Kingston-class ships – each one being only 55 meters long.

Let me say it slower so you can understand: six… freakin’… ships.

That means that each ship has 40, 507 kilometers to patrol every day.

For comparison, the earth is only 12,756.1 kilometers in diameter at the equator.

What the hell?

You know what? In military parlance, this is a SNAFU.

Situation Normal: All Fucked Up.

We might as well send out invitations to all those people who would breach our territory for their own gain – smugglers can just help themselves to our beaches, dropping off drugs and selling illegal immigrants into slavery.

Oh… and those Polar-class ships that Steve ordered for the patrolling Canada’s arctic waters?

Don’t hold your breath waiting for them if you look at the $4.3 billion price tag.

2014 my ass.

Gah.

Six ships!

No wonder the U.S. Navy laughs at us.

What Is The Cost?

Hey, you!

Yeah… you over there in the automobile.

How you doing?

You’re good?

That’s cool. Can I ask you a question?

Yes? You sure you don’t mind?

Okay, great.

Here it goes…

Just who the hell do you think you are?

What right do you have to cause this:

What’s that?

You didn’t cause the mess in that photo?

I, sir/madame, sincerely beg to differ.

That machine you’re sitting in now lives on the petroleum that’s covering them there waves.

In fact, so do the 1,074,355,233.333 other cars on the planet – which I’m sure are not all as gas-sipping as your SUV is.

I wonder how many times you’ve hopped into that beast – driven a distance that would have taken you all of 5 minutes to walk – only to grab something that you could have easily carried home… a carton of milk, maybe?

I’ll tell you: probably 500 times, and I’m being very lenient with that estimate.

Why do you do this?

Because you feel entitled.

You feel that it’s your God-given right to drive that motorized monstrosity wherever you damn well feel like.

Well, it may be your right by the laws of your city/province/state/country – but that right doesn’t supersede the entire freakin’ planet!

No… you didn’t have a direct hand in blowing up that oil rig.

No… you didn’t have a direct role in the shoddy design of the well head that’s leaking 5,000 barrels of oil into the Gulf Of Mexico every day since the accident happened – and will continue most likely for several more months until British Petroleum can get a new drilling rig on site and bore a relief well to suck up the oil that’s bursting forth from the ocean floor.

But yes, you are responsible!

How?

Because of that God damned entitlement you think you have to drive around a parking lot for 10 minutes looking for a parking space!

B.P., Exxon, Shell, Petro-Canada, and all of the other ‘big oil’ companies drill holes in the planet so they can harvest crude oil that they will process and sell to you and all the other miserable car driving assholes like you in the form of rediculously-marked up gasoline at your nearest gas station.

And because there are so many of you who abuse your right to drive so often that you burn twice or three times the amount of fuel than you really need, Big Oil has to make more and more of those holes in the earth’s crust to get at that precious Black Gold – and a lot of those wells are drilled in places that are ecologically sensitive.

This oil spill is already larger than the U.S. state of Rhode Island.

If emergency crews can not get the leaking under control inside the next month, the oil will span an amount of ocean equal to the state of California.

Think of all the wildlife that will die so you can pick up your kids from school when they could easily walk home in under 10 minutes.

God forbid little Suzie and her brother Jimmy burn off the calories from all the McDonald’s food you buy them.

Think of the sea turtles that are going to die in vast numbers just so you can use your bank’s drive through.

All of the ocean birds that are getting coated in the thick, viscous oil slurry created when the waves and crude oil mix together – making it impossible for them to fly.

Imagine all the coastal wetlands along the Gulf Coast that are now being inundated with oil, killing everything from frogs to alligators that live in those areas where fresh water meets salt water.

Think of all the fish that are breathing this crap into their bodies with every movement of their gills – and some of these fish are the ones you depend on being caught for food.

No.

You won’t think of any of those things because you honestly don’t give a shit.

Some talking head will list all the damages on the nightly news and you’ll shake your head at the images on your TV screen – but as soon as the news has moved on to the latest celebrity cheating scandal, you’ll have forgotten the environmental apocalypse that you’ve had a hand in.

You’ll probably get up and go out to your SUV so you can drive down to the corner store and buy a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.

You know what?

Fuck you.