The Straight Goods On Homosexuality

I’m straight, and probably you’re straight… and chances are your neighbor is straight, too.

This makes you, your neighbor, and I middle of the road – the sexually commanding majority that has existed since the dawn of time (one has to make the assumption that the first two humanoids on Earth weren’t gay… or else that would have been a very short story indeed).

Our individual straightness may have a few interesting quirks (Kinsey noted that a lot of straight women dig pornography of two or more gay men together), or we may be the most boring heterosexual homo sapiens that ever lived in the history of the world (which probably makes you either Jahova Witnesses or Mormons… zing!).

Regardless of the gender who’s orifices you prefer, the sexuality of another human being has very little effect on you.

A straight man standing at a public urinal next to a gay man in the same washroom isn’t suddenly going to go find the nearest gay bar and suck twenty dicks as soon as he’s done draining his dragon.

Homosexuality is not a communicable disease that you can avoid by wearing one of those CDC full-body condoms like you see in just about every movie that’s been about some new contagion.

You are either born straight, born bisexual, born homosexual, or born asexual (that is completely uninterested in sex of any kind – which must be such a boring life) – and you can’t be converted to another sexuality through exposure to someone who’s sexual orientation is different than yours.

The ignorant members of the human population would stand up and call BULLSHIT on that previous paragraph simply because there are many cases of men and women suddenly switching their sexual allegiances at fairly late stages in their lives – well into their 20s or 30s, or even at 88 years old.

Make no mistake: these aren’t cases of switching sexuality.

Those are cases of people realizing they’ve been fulfilling the gender roles that society has foisted on them through media and peer observations, and not what’s been wired into their genetic code from the beginning.

Everywhere we go in life, heterosexuality is promoted in about 5 million different ways: straight people on TV, straight people in movies, straight people hosting radio shows, straight people in magazines, books about straight people, music made by straight people, etc. etc.

We are even led to believe that our civic leaders – either political or religious – are the perfect paradigms of heterosexuality… at least until Senator Bruce was caught at a motel with a male campaign staffer, or Father Probert had been found to be playing tonsil hockey with altar boys.

So, it’s no small wonder that everybody feels the pressure to be straight – even when they’re not entirely certain that’s what they’re interested in when they look inside themselves: straight people are the ones with families, good jobs, homes with white picket fences, and all the things that society says they should have when people grow up.

After a lifetime of self-doubt or self-loathing, Steve may realize that he’d be happier sticking his penis inside another man’s arse than he has been while politely going through the motions of putting it in his wife’s vagina.

Carol-Anne has been sleeping with every guy on the high-school football team in hopes of quashing the daydreams she has about tasting her best friend Jenny because her social structure insists she have a wealthy husband and six children someday.

Gender confusion has been a leading cause of suicide amongst young people for a very long time because they’ve never felt like they could belong… that they would be a monumental disappointment to their parents… that all their friends would abandon them if they came out of the closet.

Even in today’s ‘enlightened’ society where we’re told it’s okay to be gay, kids are bullied into ending their lives just because they like persons with the same genital configuration as they have.

But why?

What does being gay have to do with you if you’re straight?

How can you be threatened by that so clearly that you feel the necessity to lash out?

There aren’t many – if any at all – ways that homosexuality could be dangerous to the truly heterosexual people in your town or city, and to fear some vague notion that there is can only be pinned on mass hysteria.

Are you afraid that the queer folk are gonna snap up all the fabulous clothes at the mall?

That they will drink up every last drop of cafe au lait at Starbucks?

Or that gay men and women will suddenly, en masse, raid every adult novelty store in the country and buy up the world’s supply of dildos?

C’mon now! Give your friggin’ head a shake!

The only way a gay, lesbian, or bisexual person could really change your sexual outlook is by forcing you to realize that you are one of them and have been since the day your mother gave birth to you – at the bare minimum, you come around to the fact that you’re bisexual or omnisexual (attracted to all genders and sexual orientations depending on your mood – gay one day, straight the next, and fapping to tranny grandfathers the week after).

But I suppose that’s where the fear is: the uncertainty of uprooting your carefully constructed heterosexual image and not knowing how to be successfully homo- or bisexual… and I can understand how scary a concept that might be.

Change is terrifying for the majority of humankind.

However, it’s absolutely no excuse to single out, shame, bully, harass, or make fun of someone who doesn’t share your ideals.

I can’t remember any incidents of gay/lesbian/bi people beating up on a hetero male simply because he likes getting head from his girlfriend Stacy – and there’s a single reason for this: LGBT (Rainbow Coalition) people are self-aware enough to accept everyone for who they are and not what they’re supposed to be.

Gay or lesbian members of society don’t judge you on your sexual orientation or gender identification – they judge you on whether or not you’re a douchebag i.e. if you’re a decent human being who is worth knowing.

Even straight people aren’t homogeneous in their sexuality.

Myself, I have a thing for chubby or fat women… and most of my peers would prefer fantasizing about stick-thin bimbos with gigantic fake tits because that’s what’s pushed in beer ads and the issues of Hustler they purchased at 7-11.

Some straight guys like dressing up in women’s clothing… or getting spanked by their girlfriends… or dressing up together in leather fetishwear.

At the end of the day, sexuality can never been clearly defined in black and white – there is always room for shades of grey when it comes to what floats your personal boat.

Let me finish this blog with a question – call it The Human Decency Test.

One day, out of the blue, your son or daughter comes home from middle school and tells you they’re gay.

Do you still love them?

How you answer that question defines you… not who you like to fuck.

.

From The International Desk: Japan Not So Hot…

I feel I must say a few brief words today since a report has recently surfaced in regards to sexuality in The Land Of The Rising Sun.

According to many knowledged statisticians, 36% of male Japanese teens have little or no interest in sexual relations with women.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the coin, 59% of teen girls are feeling the same way about men.

This news is shocking when you realize that Japan has the most abysmal birth rate amongst the G-8 nations… which could be seen as a good thing when you consider the very small amount of land mass that Japan actually occupies, but it’s not so good when you’re trying to maintain a population to occupy those islands.

These stats are even more shocking when you factor in Japanese animated fare like manga and anime… which are positively loaded with sexual iconography and frequently pornographic themes.

However, things get strange when you actually look at government approved pornography produced in Japan: it’s very heavily censored when distributed to Japanese citizens i.e. anything that’s between the legs is mandated to be blurred out.

I’m sorry… but doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose of pornography?

If there are whole generations of kids thinking the opposite sex (or even your own sex) has nothing going on between their legs but an amorphous blur, perhaps that’s why they’re not inspired to want to get in anybody’s pants.

I mean… it’s not like the Japanese girls are unattractive! (see below)

It’s difficult to comprehend, to say the least.

Some are pointing to the fact that Japanese culture is a hyperstylized version of Western society, and as such, Japanese teens see it as their responsibility in life to start a family much later on so they can live up to the maximum productivity ethic that is pervasive in Asian cultures – much like how North American couples defer kids until their late 30s so they can accumulate personal wealth and standing before starting a family.

This sort of behavior could be falsely reinforced with the knowledge that the average Japanese citizen will live a longer life than they would in many other nations around the globe.

Whatever the reasons, the Japanese government must act quickly to get their young people hot and horny for each other again… to actively steam up a culture who’s heat has dissipated into the cold air over Mount Fuji.

If the Japanese birth rates fall any lower, the world could be in trouble!

If there are no new citizens in 20 years, who’s going to be building those Toyotas (hopefully they will have nailed down the accelerator problems by then), Nintendos, and Sony Playstations?

It’s A New Year: 2011

So… we’re one year away from the foretold 2012 Armageddon, and what are we all promising to do this year?

Lose weight? Be kinder to hobos? Cutting back on the kicking of puppies?

Sure… why not? They’re all worthy goals!

However, I lack such moral inspirations… so I’m going to list the things that I can probably handle pretty well in the year Two Thousand & Eleven.

Stormcastle’s List Of Resolutions:

01) Eat more nachos – specifically, nachos with bacon. Sadly, I lived the entirety of 2010 without making contact with nachos of any kind.

02) Have more sex.

03) Eat less asparagus.

04) Drink less beer.

05) Take more road trips.

06) Legalize my name.

07) Buy more Blu-Rays.

08) Avoid blatant corporate pandering.

09) Be less trendy.

10) See more movies.

11) Take public transit to save the environment.

12) Spend less time making fun of Stephen Harper.

13. Buy more things made in Canada.

14) Find new ways to make interracial exchanges.

15) Eat less Kraft Dinner/Macaroni & Cheese.

16) Appreciate the special people in my life more.

17) Spend less money on music.

18) Wear cleaner socks.

19) Spend more time in Second Life.

20) And finally… try to blog more.

There you have it, boys and girls of the world – the ways that I’m going to change myself in the first year of the 2nd decade of the new millennium.

Now… what are you gonna do?

Hello, My Name Is Stormcastle…

… and I’m a recovered and well-adjusted ex-Mormon.

To tell you exactly how it is, I will reiterate something I said on my facebook account:

Okay, people… listen up: I’m no longer a Mormon. I don’t want to be a Mormon. Not interested in regaining my Mormon sheepdom again – EVER. I don’t want to believe in magic underpants, make believe prophets who ripped off the Bible, in certain people being better than other people, sexual inequality, and institutionalized hypocrisy.

My apologies to family members who enjoy the Morg church, but I do not stand with you in the ways of theology. I’m happy for you that the Mormon church makes you feel better. However, I’ve lead a perfectly happy life without LDS tampering for more than a decade, and plan to remain this way to the end of my days.

Yes, I believe in a great many things that give order to the universe.

However, I do NOT believe in Mormonism.

I still love all my Mormon family members – that has not changed. Whether that’s a two-way street is yet to be determined, LOL.

Thank you and have a great day!

I think I should take this a bit further…

**Follow up: What made me stop being a Mormon 11 or so years ago?**

Because I decided that I was blessed with a brain and that it would be a sin not to use it – and that is PRECISELY what Mormonism is: something to believe in so you don’t have to think for yourself.

The Mormon hierarchy tells you what you can do, what you can think, who you should associate with – hell, it even dictates what you should eat!

Why would God give you a brain capable of processing vast amounts of information, and the ability to make choices for yourself if you’re supposedly not supposed to do those very things?

I’m not an anarchist – I live my life according to the laws of the land.

Am I perfect person? Hell no.

The question is am I better person having been away from Mormon tampering and thought manipulation? Yes… yes I am.

I’m free to pursue all things – free to make my own choices and not have them made for me by some geriatric gas bag in Utah who wouldn’t know fun if it kicked them in their magic underwear.

I’m free to experience EVERYTHING this world has to offer without feeling one single iota of guilt.

Can any of you Mormons who still are blindly following like sheep say that?

Am I apostate? Sure, why not.

Should I be excommunicated? Bring it on if I don’t finish my paperwork to get removed from the church membership rolls first.

Am I afraid of Mormon Disciplinary Councils? Not overly – they have zero legal ramifications and are only a way of church drones masturbating their officiality i.e. reaffirming their belief that they are masters of the universe.

Want to send missionaries, visiting home teachers, or church publications to me? I’ll take them on – as long as they are willing to have legitimate, reality based discussions without the use of magical thinking or the ramblings of church apologists (Mormons have that down to an art).

Tell you what, those Mormons who are shaking their head while reading this: I’ll make you one hell of a deal! Give me one shred of legitimate, non-Mormon peer reviewed evidence that anything in the Book Of Mormon happened and I’ll be front row and center at the next dreadfully boring General Conference.

What’s that? The apologists are saying that The Book Of Mormon is more metaphor than historical account now?

Hmmm… if I want metaphors, I’ll stick to Star Trek – much more entertaining.

For all my non-Mormon friends out there who think this is overly dramatic, I shall provide you with the Mormon Handbook if you ask nice – the secret book only handed out to the Mormon poobahs like bishops. It’s chock o’ block full or some of the most ridiculous shit ever put to paper.

Alright… end of rant.

I still love my Mormon family members – but they should try really hard to accept my choices in life without trying to change me, or else we have very little to say – which is pretty much the status quo anyway.

- Fin.

The Heart Of The Matter

I have a question for you, dear readers.

What is love?

Now before you go spending a night at the Roxbury, I would like to know your honest answer i.e. fill in a comment at the end of this blog if you’re brave enough to let the world know what you think.

For me, love is a universal concept.

It’s the be-all to end-all.

I think of love as a type of energy that powers each and every one of us – whether we’re completely aware of it or not-  and since love is energy, this creates an interesting dilema for people like me.

Why?

There’s a fundamental law in the realm of physics and science: once energy is created, it can never be destroyed – ever.

It’s allowed to transform into other types of energy, but it never goes away – no matter how far it travels or how old it is.

This is how it is for me: love never, ever goes away for me – no matter how long ago I split up with a woman or how ugly said separation was – it’s always there for me to access at any time for any reason.

Is this a personal flaw?

I’m really in the dark here.

In yesterday’s 9/11 blog, I mentioned my ex-fiance Aimee in passing without all that much though beyond connecting the terrorist attacks to a specific time in my life – and then I just kept writing without revisiting that memory.

Yet today, in one of those funny wrinkles in the fabric of life, I actually ran into Aimee when I was on the transit bus as I was returning home from visiting my sister.

No, I didn’t physically run into her.

We were the only two people on the bus – Aimee sitting in the back, myself towards the front.

As soon as she seen me, her face clouded over and she clearly got her knickers in a right proper twist – regardless of the more than 6 years that had passed since we broke up in a rather spectacular orgy of shouting, screaming, and yelly phone calls.

However, for me, it was kind of nice to see her face since I haven’t been carrying the obvious grudge she has been for all this time.

We sat there in silence – well, not total silence as she took the time to huff and puff in a haughty fashion in an attempt to make sure I knew she was annoyed by my very presence – as the bus rumbled along it’s merry way, and all I could do was stare out the window and think about what exactly it meant to love somebody.

Despite the rockiness of our 5 year relationship and the fiery pyre that was our final breakup, it occurred to me if it was another lifetime where I wasn’t happily attached to my current girlfriend, I would give Aimee another chance if she offered it.

Which is what leaves me asking this question about the nature of love.

One of my favorite bands posits this: You never stop loving somebody – no matter what you tell yourself. You just start loving somebody else. (listen by clicking the bright white text)

I admit this is also one of my favorite songs because, for me anyway, it’s so completely and honestly true.

Every partner that has every meant anything to me is still kicking around in the cobwebs of my heart – cold storage if you will (maybe lukewarm storage?).

Everyone from my cheating ex-wife, Danielle, and forwards.

They all still have names, faces, and fond memories attached to them.

Danielle… Sue… Aimee… Shannon… Sheri… Eilidh… Margurite… Amy… all of them are ghosts that seem to be happy hanging around in the deeper recesses of my soul.

There isn’t one person on that list that I wouldn’t willingly sit down and have a long chat over some good coffee  – though the stress related to some might make me itch for a cigarette again, despite my quitting years ago.

There are the girls that I’ve had casual relationships with on and off over the years (yes… casual intimacy) that I care about and wonder what they’re doing now in this big world – and no, I’m not going to list their names here due to the impracticality of such a lengthy list… but I do remember each and every one of them as well.

For me, once I make a connection, I can’t unmake it.

Whether or not that paints me as an overly sentimental fool, I can’t really say.

It is how it is.

I am who I am.

Since Big & Rich sang an entire song about this concept, I’m guessing this issue isn’t singular and unique to myself.

It’s comforting to know that people out there go through this thing as well – and I say thing since it’s not really a problem i.e. it doesn’t keep me awake at night, nor do I spend my days rocking back and forth and wishing for days gone by.

I’m curious as to how many of you out there have the same thing happen to them?

I apologize to the readers who were looking for a long dissertation on something profound today, but this is what I’ve chosen to blog about.

It may not necessarily be relevant to your life, but at the moment, it’s relevant to mine..

…And it’s my blog.